Chronic Illness has a way of messing with your head. I have had gastroparesis for 15 months (diagnosis time) and that has been quite the time. If you are reading this, you too probably have a chronic illness or know somebody that does, so you fully understand that vague statement!
At first is was Dr after Dr, then after nobody knew further what to do, it was pill after pill. I have a whole tote of pills that I had only take a couple of and had a reaction to. I am the sort of person that keeps the pharmacy hand out and then writes notes on it based on how my body handled the drug. Those notes go into a journal at some point, for future reference at a future Dr Apt when they want me to try something (and it was that same something I had before). If I had a better memory, I would not need all of this.
First I had our house on the market and focused on keeping it up for showings and baking cookies for when we had a showing. Then it was onto packing. The house sold, which then began all the hoops we needed to fulfill the lender. Finally, it was the rush to finish packing and then to move. That came and went. Moving day was May 1st and now we are June 12th and I am mostly unpacked and our new place is the way I want it -for now.
Now, I have run out of things to do (besides blog and help with GP questions) and wait for my husband to get home. I feel guilty that he has to slave away with 10 and 12 hours shifts so that we can pay 90% of our bills. I feel that I have put pressure on him to make sure he does a good job at work, because we need his employment. And most of all I feel like I am not worth anything to society as I as when I was working.
Like I said, Chronic Illness dose a number on your head! You thought that you other symptoms were bad... going down a road of self doubt is not much fun either. I am proud to say that this feeling doesn't hit often, but when it does it is scary!
I need to find something to occupy my time, but haven't found it yet. It appears that we may have to move in the near future, so I rather not get to invested in anything. My gastroparesis research for my blogs (more in the future) keeps me going and helps me learn a little more.
Thanks for reading and I hope I didn't get you too down with the blog. I am doing fine and happy that I have my husband, family and GP family to support me. All I can do is pray there is a cure (or better treatment options) to end this suffering that we are all going through, no matter your reason for reading this today!
